


Hunger Pangs

by GhostCwtch



Category: In the Flesh (TV)
Genre: Gen, Spoilers, character introspective
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-09
Updated: 2014-06-09
Packaged: 2018-02-04 00:34:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 483
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1760831
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GhostCwtch/pseuds/GhostCwtch
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>An introspective from Series 2 Episode 6. Kieren's thoughts in the graveyard.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hunger Pangs

**Author's Note:**

> I just like to think that the whole 'First Risen' thing would actually make Kieren different to the other PSD people and my take on it is that he has/had a bit more control while unmedicated than the others and is able to connect to other PDS sufferers more easily (thus his seeming ability to calm/interact with unmedicated PDS by taking out his contact and wiping off the cover up to show he's one of them).
> 
> Edit: Okay so since writing this, I've read an interview with the show creator saying Amy is actually the first risen. I'm still going to go with this interpretation, as that's how the show seemed to me, but just know that it's not necessarily going to end up in line with cannon.
> 
> Secondary Edit: There is now a poor Spanish translation available. Please be kind when judging my Spanish skills, or lack there of. http://archiveofourown.org/works/2182371

The thing Kieren hasn't told anyone, hasn't dared to mention, is that he doesn't think that he's quite the same as other people with PDS. Sure, after he'd been risen a while, he'd been about on the same level of mindlessness, and had taken just as long as everyone else to be affected by the medication, but when he first rose…

When he first rose he knew who he was and he knew he was hungry. He thinks it's the hunger that made him lose it after a while. An extreme example of what low blood sugar can do to someone's mood, he supposed. And now, he doesn't think the medication has quite the same affect on him as the others either. Sure, it helps him stay rational and all that, but it's really just like an appetite suppressant. He'll start to get hungry just in time for another dose.

When Gary hits his injection site with the Blue Oblivion, all that hunger hits him again, cutting through the medication like he'd never bothered to take it in the first place. But unlike when he rose the first time, he's not alone with that hunger. He can almost hear Jem and his dad speaking, can almost see them and for once his dad doesn't look afraid. 

And if his dad can face him like this, maybe, just maybe Kieren can face the hunger inside him. Maybe, just maybe Kieren can fight.

It's hard, maybe the hardest thing he's ever done, to fight down the hunger. As the clock strikes, he grips onto his Dad's coat and shakes with the effort, desperate to get some words out, to show that he's fine, that there's no need to fear him. He grits his teeth and swallows down the wretched taste of the black bile, keeps swallowing on reflex and feels like he might be sick again. There's shouting and the clock is ringing and his head is absolutely splitting apart, the neurotriyptyline buzzing against the blue oblivion and it feels like he might just come out of his skin.

Simon comes out of nowhere and then they're on the ground and as his head thumps against the rain softened dirt, it's like he's jolted back into himself and the feeling is one that he hasn't felt since before he died. The ever present anxious fear, the fear he'd thought that he'd left behind forever, flashes through him like an electric current through a faulty socket, there and gone in a flash. He's shaking, can barely hold onto Simon's jacket as the other man lays over him, protective. His hands flutter and he's gasping out "Did I- Did I hurt anyone?" even though he already knows the answer. 

He knows the answer but he has to ask because the fear is back and if the fear is back there's no telling what else may happen now.


End file.
